How can any of this be normal?

WHY??????"

If you would not do it with your spouse/mate standing beside you, it is cheating...a quote heard on Dr. Phil.

There is more truth to this phrase than many realize.

How stupid do you think we are? You have made us victims with your obsessions and addictions. You have destroyed our self esteem, our dignity, our self worth. We can walk into the room, and you start minimizing and closing out the trash that you were so into before you realized we were there. Do you really believe that we have no clue as to what you were doing? You take our love and our trust for you and throw it back into our faces. You take everything from us, yet you expect us to give you more, to accept your addictions without it bothering us because it is "normal'...it is your right as an adult, etc., etc.

You have us do something for you, whether it be elsewhere in the house, or to leave the house completely, because there is something that you have to have, but you are in the middle of something and can't be interrupted, yet as soon as we are out of sight, you go on your addiction sights, we wake up in the middle of the night and you are not beside us, we find you where else but in front of your computer, closing stuff out as soon as you realize that we are there, knowing that you were busted once again, yet you turn it around with a major attitude, like you were the one who was wronged.

What gives you the right to do these things to us, to make us feel inadequate, not worthy of you, or your full attention? You make us feel bad about our bodies, our minds, our love for you, and our lives! We feel that no matter what we do for you, it will never be enough in your eyes, your mind, your life! You are slowly destroying your partner, and you do not care, you need your fix, no matter what it costs us! We feel degraded, mentally abused, emotionally battered, and cheated, by the person that claims to love us the most! You cause us to doubt ourselves, and in turn, we doubt you...everything you say, and everything you do. You show us love and affection, but what brought it on, and is it really love for us, or lust, and an easy release for what is really in your mind? You pay us a compliment, making us feel good about something we have done for you, or the way we look, and then you turn to your fix. You look straight into our eyes, and you lie, so easily, and you call all of this "NORMAL"? How can any of this be normal?

This man has no idea what depths I later sank to

If anyone could please pray for my uncle. He's got an unhealthy appetite for porn and I think one day it might just pass along to my nephew who I love like a little brother. This is the same uncle who years ago for my birthday presented me box full of porn. (we're talking a box the size of a television set here) this same uncle also took me out to a strip club and hired dancers for me. I will not lie to you I enjoyed myself at the time but this man has no idea what depths I later sank to and how hard I am trying to move away from that. I have no Idea how my aunt puts up with it, she's a fairly religious woman herself. CrushedWife if you are out there please help me understand. I am dumbfounded and maybe you could allow some insight into this for me. I had to visit him today and at the end of the night he came back to me with another offer for a visit to the strip club, there was an awkward silence and a polite refusal, and I drove off. On the drive home memories of that very same box, unceremoniously dumped somewhere off the side of the road.

It hurts when you've had more partners than your age

I've been with him for almost a year now, we've been friends for just a few months longer. I came from my mom's in St. Louis, I had lived there for four years. I've had alot of sex and i would be considered a "whore." I drank, I smoke, I got into a lot of fights. So I went to a rehab in St. Charles, Mo. And there I decided to move in with my dad. When I meet my boyfriend, i didn't want to go out with him. But I've been sober now longer than I ever have been. Yes, I have relapsed, but last time I did was the last time. I was drunk and got so mad and I tore up my friend's apt, they couldn't control me. It wasn't a good situation. But now I have only one problem with him. We've have sex, and wasn't not alot, maybe once a week. But I really know that my life wouldn't be as good as it is now without him. We talk so much, I can see my self with him. I won't break up with him, and we've been on a break from sex now for quite sometime, and that's when I got into porn. I dont want to talk to him about, afraid he'll think it's cool. It's not his fault but sometimes I just think if we we're having sex I wouldn't be watching these girls. I know how they feel. They like to be controled and humiliated, but they really hurt inside. It hurts when you've had more partners than you're age. So what should I do? What's worse choosing porn, or sex? Help me.

I want my life back

I'm a 35 year old man from Ireland, I have been looking at porn for over 10 years and it is dominating my life, it ruined my marriage and it has me living with my parents as every penny I earn I was spending on Porn (Magazines, dvd's and even prostitutes)

I want it to stop I want my life back, I can't even relate to women in any form any more. I feel uncomfortable and guilty in their company and am incapable of having a meaningful relationship even with my mother.

we have a very good sex life and still I cant stop

8 years and still...

I am 26. I have 3 kids a beautiful wife. I cant get away from this p0rn thing. I don't know what is wrong with me but if I don't get away from this I... well I don't really know. I'm not depressed or anything I just feel like an a$$. My wife is the most beautiful girl i know and we have a very good sex life and still I cant stop. I need help!!

the only time i had control of my life was when i was abusing my wife

i was introduced to porn as a young boy. i was raised in a strict religious home..sex was not discussed. i never saw my parents touch each other...hug or kiss...though i knew they loved each other. i spent weeks during the summer at different cousin's houses. that is when i was introduced to the magazines...pics of naked women. this caused me to be more inquistive. as a young boy of around 12 years of age...i was molested by a friend of the family that once lived with us. this continued for several years until the age of 18. he also had porn available for me to use while he was molesting me. in using porn while this man was molesting me...it helped me to know i wasn't gay like he tried to make me believe. i could still be turned on by looking at women. being inquistive...i had a problem with voyeurism. i never liked the contact...just looking was a turn on. i met my wife at the age of 19 & i could not tell her of my past b/c of shame issues. i felt she would make me more ashamed. my parents was privy to my voyeurism but they did not know what the friend of the family was doing to me. i kept it a secret until after we had been married a little over 2 years. up until then, i told my wife lies about my childhood & that i had been with many women. she was, in deed, the first. when our daughter was about a year old, i told my wife about the friend of the family. she had become friends with him also. she made me tell my parents. needless to say, everyone was devastated. my shame grew. my wife confronted him when i couldn't. he told me that my wife would never be enough for me. all my lies turned me into a violent person...something i had never been. if my life was discussed..it made me angry. i didn't want to face all the hurt. what triggered the confession to my wife was when the friend of the family tried to make me do that with him again. i refused...it made him angry. i told my wife so that she would protect me. my wife is a fighter. i became distant with my wife...i felt i wasn't worth anything. i had failed her. i felt i couldn't be intimate. i became verbally abusive....tellin my wife she was ugly, fat, & other people looked better than her...physically & emotionally abusive . all of this made me feel insignificant & i had to make myself feel better....not realizing the damage i was doing to my wife. i was neglecting my wife which led her to having multiple affairs. each time she would have an affair...she would confess it...all i could do was pat her on the head or back..telling her that it was okay & don't do it again. my way of not dealing. there was no fight in me. no reason to stand up & fight for what was mine. after several years...i began looking at porn on the internet. i didn't have to go lookin for women...they readily available via the net. each one looked at me without judging me. they were tellin me that i was "the man". they fed my ego. my wife started leaving the house to stay with her best friend to give me time alone. all this time was spent surfing the net for porn. i didn't like the hardcore porn...i liked the sites where the woman was partially clothed. after a time, i got into the dating websites to meet women for sex. i met a couple of women that was interested in me & went to meet them. all this time...my wife was being forced out of our home...by me...in order to satisfy my addiction. she was seeing a couple of guys that was paying her attention. she became sexually active with them. my wife asked me didn't i know what we were doing was wrong & didn't i want to stop...my answer was "NO". i enjoyed it & i wanted to keep doing it. she had always wanted me to fly her to california & i always refused. never seemed to have enough money. one of these women i met online lived in michigan...telling my wife i would NEVER fly...i flew to meet her for a weekend. this woman fed my porn addiction by talking dirty to me. she sent me a half naked picture of herself when i returned home. after returning home, my wife told me she wanted to work things out & stop doing what we were doing & it infuriated me. she has toted bruises, a dislocated jaw, repeated slaps to the face...not to mention the humiliation she has suffered. i have been verbally abusive...callin her names...not to be mentioned here...i was emotionally abusive. it was like a crazy cycle. i would leave home to get away from her when she wanted to talk. i didn't want to face the monster i had become. i made her feel like she was the monster. after returning from michigan...i still had to have contact with this woman either phone or internet. my wife had threatened suicide while i was on the phone with this woman & i wouldn't get off the phone to take care of my wife. i had "feelings" for this woman..thought it was love. i thought she was everything that my wife wasn't..caring, lettin me be me, loving, not controlling...in reality she was controlling me from the time i met her. she was tellin me that i didn't love my wife & that my wife didn't love me. this odd relationship resembled the control the friend of the family had over me. i didn't want to face the fact that the woman from michigan was doing the same thing to me. the only time i have ever had control of my life was when i was abusing my wife. my wife had to be the way i wanted her to be or it angered me. i wasn't willing to give of myself to my wife but i found it easy to give to the woman in michigan. i refused to see a counselor...thinkin i had it all together...my wife was the one with the problem. after a while i didn't want to talk to this woman...she kept calling. i wouldn't answer her calls. the reality of what i was doing was becoming apparent. eventually we went to a marriage counselor, then to our son's pastor...he helped me face me & what i was doing. i, now know what i did was wrong...how i treated my wife was a sin. i've learned that women aren't sexual objects. my wife is to be loved, respected, cherished...she is truly captivating. i realize that she is my soulmate. she loved me thru all my issues. i can now face my past & be the husband that God intended. i am comfortable with my sexuality. i've realized that satan will use yur past & yur patterns to cause u to turn away from the truth. he will cloud yur mind using whatever means necessary. my wife & i are now communicating for the first time in our 29 years of marriage. it feels good to be able to tell her my innermost thoughts & fears & know that she is not judging me. i have forgiven myself...my wife has forgiven me as i have forgiven her. i love my wife more than i ever have before. it is the way God intended a husband to love his wife. i respect her, cherish her, adore her & will do everything in my power to protect her. i have become the fighter. i understand the consequences of my sins. one of the consequences is that my wife lost her hair in the ordeal due to the stress. it is growing back but i will forever reminded of what i did to her. as for the internet...it doesn't hold the same desires. at this time...i have a fear of the internet. i exercise caution. please be gentle with your comments...LOL. thanx for reading.

At the age of 5, I was raped by my oldest brother

I'm not sure how common my sex addiction story is. I thought I'd share it and see if anyone else can relate.

At the age of 5, I was raped by my oldest brother (13 at the time). It only happened once because I told my parents about it. I didn't remember it until I was 10. (I know I still had the memory of it, but it wasn't a conscious memory.)

When I was in junior high school, I was molested by my youth director's husband 2 or 3 times. When I told her about it, she confronted her husband. He, of course, denied doing it. About 10 years later, she came to me to apologize because she had found out he was molesting her youngest sister and had molested others as well.

From junior high on, I dealt with same-sex attraction and was involved with a girl when I was in high school. Our relationship was never more than kissing and heavy petting. My SSA has been pretty well defeated. With God's help, my counselor's help, and prayers by many friends, I have overcome that. Sometimes, I'll see a pretty woman and have some kind of SSA thought, but I'm able to tell Satan to bug off and it doesn't take over my thinking.As a senior in high school, I was date raped twice within a matter of days by the same guy. He was an older friend that I thought of as a brother. It took many years for me to be able to admitt that what happened was rape.

Off and one since junior I have dealt with thoughts of sexually abusing a younger child. I'm currently dealing with those same thoughts, only they are directed at my own children. I HAVE NEVER TOUCHED A CHILD INAPPROPRIATELY. My counselor is aware of this and were starting the process of dealing with these thoughts and feelings.

To make matters worse, someone reported these thoughts to CPS (Children's Protective Services) this past Saturday, so they are investigating it. Since I've not touch the kids and am doing things to not set myself up for a fall, we're all still home. I feel so betrayed and hurt. Someone I confided in has betrayed me.

It's been several years since I've looked at any porn (online or off). Again, I know it's been with God's help that I've not done so.

My husband is aware of what I'm dealing with and is being very supportive.Has anyone else dealt with similar thoughts? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

Police: Mother gives daughter to boyfriend for sex

MUSKEGON HEIGHTS, Michigan (AP) -- A woman who feared she would lose her boyfriend while she recuperated from surgery arranged for her 15-year-old daughter to have sex with him, authorities said.

Police said the three signed an agreement specifying the sexual services the girl would perform and the compensation she would receive, including clothing and body piercings. The 37-year-old man and the girl had sex about 20 times over two months, police said.

"It's incredible that any parent would be involved in such a blatant case of abuse against her own daughter," prosecutor Tony Tague told The Muskegon Chronicle for a story published Thursday.

Authorities investigated after the girl talked to another adult, said police Detective Calvin Mahan.

The woman was freed on $25,000 bond after being arraigned on three counts of third-degree criminal sexual conduct.

The boyfriend, Michael J. Fitzgibbon, was being held without bail. He was arraigned last week on six counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct.

It was unclear Thursday whether Fitzgibbon had an attorney.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/11/underage.sex.pact.ap/index.html

The father had offered his mentally retarded daughter for sex

Let me tell you briefly about my past history and who I am. I am the youngest of three children, who were PK’s (preacher’s kids). I grew up knowing God and the difference between right from wrong. During my high school years I stayed out of trouble for the most part, but dabbled in a few things I shouldn’t have with a very close friend of mine. However, after high school I cleaned up my act and went to school to be a minister. I got married at a young age and was way too young to be a husband. I was very self indulged. After only seven years of marriage my wife left me. This was devastating. Everything I had ever worked for was about to be taken from me. To be a minister in the Baptist denomination you cannot be divorced.

However, God had a better plan. After a period of grieving for the loss of that marriage God called me to a church in Indiana to be youth minister and song director.That was when I met my second wife; it was love at first sight. We had known each other for years but had lost contact with one another. We married after only two months of dating, and a year and a half later we had a beautiful baby girl. She was the pride of our lives. My life was good, good things were happening and we were very much in love.

It was sometime after we bought our house that things started weighing on our marriage and became very stressful for us. We did not have the finances we really needed for the bills we had accumulated. It wasn’t too long until I got a part time job and then ended up leaving the church job that I had been working at for five years. I started working full time in the secular field with mentally ill adults. Because of this decision my wife had to go back to work and I believe that caused some resentment towards me from her (that is only my opinion). I now know I should had done many things differently.

That last year I started feeling sorry for myself over some things that are now insignificant, but at the time were discouraging to me. I felt like my wife was rejecting me, our lines of communication kept falling down to where we didn’t speak much to each other.
It would be easy for me to blame all of this on my wife, that’s what most of us do, we blame our own weaknesses and fears of self worth on others and mainly the people we love most when truly only we can control how we feel about ourselves.

I forget exactly how everything began, but I feel that it started one lonely night while my wife was asleep in bed. I got on the internet out of boredom and started surfing the net hoping to spend a short time browsing before becoming sleepy. I had no intentions of looking for sites I as a Christian should not be looking at. If you know anything about the internet it does not take a lot of work for inappropriate web sites to appear. Next thing I knew, I had spent three hours or more surfing through pornographic web sites. I was hooked. Night after night I would spend hours browsing these sights. If I had free time during the day, my computer was up and running searching for more and more porn. I never knew you could find this much free porn on the internet, but the fact is it is full of free websites waiting to take you in.

Then I discovered the world of Chat. This became more addicting to me, because now pornography was only a chat member away. I had several people sending me pornography of all sorts, things I had never seen before, things I am now ashamed to say I have even seen. The fact about pornography is that it gradually worsens, it sucks you in.

I remember the saying growing up that says, sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more than you want to pay. How true that had become in my life. You see, one of the men I was chatting with was a pedophile. I didn’t know this. He who took a plane ride to Florida where he was to hook up with a father of a mentally retarded girl. The father had offered his daughter to the man for sex. Little did he know that the father was an undercover policeman who arrested him on the spot. This man was desperate because he was now looking at jail time. So, in order to try and get himself out of trouble he gave names of other people they should investigate and I was one of those people. He had lied and told them I had offered my daughter to him for sex and that in the near future we were going to make arrangements to meet.

That’s where the vice cops and FBI agents come into play. I had worked a late night at my job and had just laid down when I got a knock at the door. It was the police. They came in to interview me and set up a tape recorder. My heart was pounding and my chest was tight. What did they want with me? They began to unravel the events that had led them to me and the reason we were meeting. Come to find out this man lived just down the road from us and knew where we lived, not to mention he knew all our names. I had never been so frightened in all my days. I explained to them that none of what he suggested was true and gave them permission to diagnosis my computer to look for child pornography.

The police had every intension of arresting me that day, believing what this man had said was true. The FBI agent installed a program on my computer that would search for all images on my computer. To make a long story short, there was no child pornography on my computer. We chatted a little more about this man, they advised me they had not said anything to my wife and as far as they could see there would be no more need to look into this matter.

This is where I made the worst decision of my life. I should have gone to my wife and confessed all that had happened and all the things that I was into online, but I didn’t. I had never had so much fear in my life and for a week I could not sleep. I kept looking out the windows, all along wanting so much to tell my wife what had happen. However, the police advised me that there was no need to bring her into this and that I should seek some help for the pornography. The truth was, they had already gone to my wife before ever meeting with me and because of the deceitfulness of my action she became scared and didn’t know what she should do. Her first thought was to protect our daughter. I imagine she had no other choice but to believe this could be true. I was acting strangely and didn’t tell her anything about what had happened. That week she filed for divorce unbeknown to me. The following week the police returned to my home with search warrants on my house and place of employment.

I remember sitting on the front lawn as the neighbors watched them take my computer and computer equipment, police cars all over. It looked like a scene from a movie. Next they told me they were on their way to my office and were going to do a search there. My heart dropped and as they left my house and went to my office I barely remember the steps I took. I remember grabbing a bottle of pills and calling my Pastor. He took me to see a lawyer who tried to calm me down and could see my plan for suicide. I ended up at the hospital and all I could say was “I want to die” over and over again. Suicide was now the one constant thing on my mind, my life was now over. Even though I knew I was not involved in offering my daughter for sex the police were letting everyone think that and on top of that I had so much guilt for the other things I had been involved in, all I wanted to do was die. Pornography led me to many risky things; although not illegal they were very immoral. How was I going to face anyone ever again? How was I going to face my wife?

The truth is I fell into sin and I got in way over my head. I betrayed my wife, my boss, my friends, my family members and I especially betrayed God. I remember during times of my sins, pushing God out. I would feel His power of conviction fall over me and I would tell Him no! I was going to do what I wanted. That is one of the hardest things I am dealing with today. You see, the nature of my sin is really unimportant at this moment, in God’s eyes sin is sin. It is the selfishness I had of only caring for myself that is tragic. I never thought I would so purposely push God away and tell Him to leave me alone so I could indulge in my sin.

You see, I have only shared with you the sins I have chosen to share with you. Yet, with God there is no sin I can hide from him, He knows all that I have done, where I have been. Now, I have had to come to terms with an addiction to pornography and sex realizing that I am powerless over it. I need Christ to be strong in my life if I am to overcome this. I in no way feel I deserve forgiveness. In fact, it is very hard to accept.

Never in my life have I felt so unwanted, so undesirable, so unnecessary.

My husband died two years ago at the age of 33. Before his death (and even now to some degree) we had a secret. He was addicted to pornography. I didn't know this prior to our marriage, but once I discovered it, I was devastated.

Perhaps I just want someone to hear what I've been through. So many people say "It's just a magazine" or "It's just a couple of videos." My husband would even say "Well they're just on paper." It was and is more than that.

There is something implied in a husband's use of pornography that his wife is not satisfying to him. Logically it would seem that if he were satisfied with her he wouldn't need the other. Never in my life have I felt so unwanted, so undesirable, so unnecessary. In my mind he was cheating on me - perhaps he couldn't touch those girls physically, but they occupied his mind, called his name and captivated him in a way that I couldn't.

If I were hard to look at or frigid I might be willing to give him a little slack, but I'm neither. I loved sex, I loved sharing it with my husband until his addiction was such that I wasn't enough - not adventurous enough (grossly adventurous was what he wanted), not perfect enough, not enough of anything and it hurt.

My purpose in sharing this is not to whine, but to raise awareness. His battle created a huge battle for me - it shook my self esteem and everything about me as a woman to the core. The one place (besides my Heavenly Father) that I was supposed to be safe, desired, I wasn't. My husband preferred masturbating to magazines and videos to sex with me. That hurts. While I know that I shouldn't take it personally, he had an addiction, it still hurts. There is nothing more humiliating, devastating and demeaning than to know that the love of your life doesn't want you the way he is supposed to want you.

If you are struggling with an addiction or even just dabbling in pornography, may I encourage you with this - your actions do affect others - no one behaves in a vacuum and what may seem like a "secret sin" or harmless, really isn't. During the times when you struggle the most perhaps it will help to know that by leaving pornography behind, you are choosing to live wholly, a full life. The deceit that goes along with addictions will eat at you until you feel that every part of you is coming apart - you are worth more than that. Your life is worth more than that. Your family and those that depend on you are worth more than that.

He stares at women in public and rubs himself on me

I have been with the same man on and off for 5 years.. We started to get married a few times but I just couldn't do it because he has problems with lust and he loves it more than me. I know he looks at porn, { pics and movies } because I have found books, vhs tapes and the crap on the computers. We have fought about it numerous times.. His problem with lust is so bad that he can't even watch a regular movie with the people fully dressed without going into fantasy land. His touching himself so much during movies has taken the enjoyment out of watching movies or even regular tv from me and then he has the nerve to get upset at me for not wanting to watch movies with him. I hate to go out in public with him for fear of how he will hurt me next. I've seen him staring at women when we are together and he used to pull me close to him and rub himself on me when he would get excited at looking at them until I realized what was happening and stopped it. When we do go out together, most of the times I keep my eyes on the ground now so I wont have to see who he wished I was. I can only wonder how many times he had sex with me while he was on me..... Just a little over 2 weeks ago was the last time I found porn on his laptop { also the last time I looked }. I told him that we were over and he for the first time confessed to me that he was a sex addict. He has not went into detail about it but I truly believe that besides the porn, fantasy, and masturbation, I also believe in my heart that he has had sex with other people sence we have been together. I don't know if he admitted having problems because he loves me enough to want to make us work or if he only told me that because he has no where to go. He has no family or friends to turn to and no money to get his own place. He is in his 30's but he is not a responsible person and can't make it on his own. He thinks money is only for the enjoyable things in life. He lived on his own for a short time and was not good at keeping the bills paid or makin sure he had enough food. He got a roommate and he still couldn't keep up with the bills. I loved him and wanted to marry him and had hope that he would change so I asked him to move in with me. He did not change and we did not get married. I believe he does love me some, but just how much I honestly don't know. I don't think he's capable of loving anyone very much anyway. But I am getting ok with that now because I don't love him as I once did. Too much pain cuts love way down. Although I do still love him just not as I used to. He was married before and has a child and lost them because of his problems. He hasn't seen his child in years or hasn't even talked on the phone. It is a great fear of mine that if he doesn't help himself that he will end up molesting his child when they do reunite. I know that he lusts after early teens. I fear he lusts after children even younger, although I have no proof of that... He says he is trying to change. He has done some research and some posting. He has admited to me that he is a sex addict.. Those things are more than he's ever done but I am still afraid to believe in him because of so many lies..

I'm feeling lost and unwanted because we have no sex life

I was exposed to porn at a young age, I found my father's stash and I liked it. Most of the men I got involved with also enjoyed porn. I didn't start to feel betrayed by my partners viewing porn until about 5 years ago. Since then porn has lost it's luster for me but I've tried to be patient and understand with my partners for their use of it, because I understand the no expections relief it offers them. It thrills me that my husband has made the choice to try to kick the habbit himself. I try to be supportive and nonjudgemental when we talk about the issue, but I know he hides his usage of it from me because he admits that he still looks at it a couple of times a week. We have good communication skills, so I feel guilty coming here and asking for prayer, but I'm feeling lost and unwanted because we have no sex life. I understand his issues and there are several other factors besides the porn (bi-polar being a huge part of it too). I know he's hurting but he doesn't even want me touching him and this kills me because I'm a very touch oriented person. I've gotten to the point where I don't even try to kiss, cuddle, or initiate sexual relations with him because I'm afraid of being shrugged off. He isn't being ugly with me when he does it and he knows how I feel cause we have talked about it, but he is unable to overcome these issues that prevent him being intimate and I am finding it hard to keep a positive attitude and feel that I am starting to slip into depression again.