Just the "normal" porn wasn't good enough

My first time I was introduced to porn was when I was about 11. My friend who lived down the street who was the same age, was apparently allowed to have it. He lived with his mom, and in his room there was porn all over the place. It was never hidden, so I would believe that his mom had to know. And since his dad was no where to be found, where else would he be getting it from? Anyways, I had already been masturbating since I was 7 or so, not really knowing why, but I was. When i first saw this porn at my friends house, I was instantly hooked. I was practically living over is house, just so I could be around it constantly, and when I couldn't be there, I would "borrow" it and take it home and hide it. Porn changed my whole perception on what the world was really like. It made me think that all men and women were put on this earth for my pleasure. Being exposed to porn at such an early age, made drastic changes in my life, all for the bad of course! When I was 14 or so, I got my first computer. Back then it was BBS websites, nothing like it is today, but I was still seeking porn, or people. And I was still masturbating atleast 2-3 times a day. When I got to be about 16, and I got my first car, I would find myself picking up the free newspapers and looking for the porn ads and calling them, porn was in my head 24/7. I began "dating", but all it really was was picking up anyone I could just to have sex with them, and then rushing home to look at porn and mmasturbate again. My need for porn was out of control, even at the age of 17. After awhile, just the "normal" porn wasn't good enough. I was seeking more taboo subjects, or people. I would look at people and never think,oh they are nice people, I would look at them and sexualize them in my mind, just like I had seen in the porno's. I went to college and when I graduated, I began a career as a corrections officer. I passed all the tests with flying colors, I thought it was funny how I hid my addiction and now I was working for a police department! When I was 22 or so, I got the real internet as it exists today. Between cyber sex, porn sites, and emails, I could not get enough! Somewhere along the line, my porn addiction dipped into the child pornography. As I have told many people, the child pornography, to me, was never about sex. It was just another image to feed my addiction. I never talked to a underage person, or tried to meet an underage person, as we so frequently hear these days. But I did view and trade with other people child porn. I knew I had a problem and prayed to God to help me. And He did! I am currently awaiting sentencing on Feb. 3, 2006 in US Federal Court for possesion and distribution of child porn. And I am grateful!!!! I am facing some serious time in prison, but I am not bitter in the least. It's not like you can ask God to fix something under your terms, this is what He wants, and I will do as He asks. I have been using your monitoring program for about 2 months now, it is awesome, and I'm so grateful that you provide it free, since I am financially in ruins due to my pending incarceration. I went to my 12-step meeting this morning (saturday) and found out that your group will be coming to Willoughby Hills, Ohio next weekend, and I am anxious to go! I wish there was a way, I could help people realize just how horrible it really can get. I so grateful for people like you willing to make a stand and try to help others.

Bill

7 Years of Running Porn Sites

My name is Eugene,

for the last 7 years I have been an adult website ownerthis past year I have devolped severe depression and anxietyattacks (the depression and anxiety has wrecked my physical health)...My body aches all over my spirit feels completely crushed under the wheight of this blackness (sin)The majority of my anxiety attacks I have occured while'working' at my desk (I no longer work with porn).I have had two recent hospital stays for depression, one of them for attempted suicide. I have developed this hatred towards myself for the things I have done (I am not proud of who I have become), not ever considering the amount of harm I have done to the thousands and thousands of people who have visited and purchased items through my websites or to the families that could have been or have been destroyed because of my sin.This past week I have accepted Jesus as my personal savior....I have deleted all of my porn sites (over 300,000 images and videos)I prayed to God to give me guidence as to what to do with my domain urls - he told me to point the way to salvation with my most popular website.I am now redirecting traffic from one of my largest TGP sites ( http://smutmut.com/ , with over 14,224 unique visitors every 3 weeks) to http://xxxchurch.com/ - and have removed all other urls from my godaddy.com accountThese sites were how I made ends meet, as far as what I am going to do now for money... I am not sure right now but I know this much...God has a BIG plan for me.Pornography is no longer an option for meI can honestly say that pornography will 'kill'you emotionally spiritually and physically inevery sense of the word. It doesnt matter ifyou are a consumer, a producer or a porn actor...sooner or later the blackness will find you and consume you.the following photo is a box full of all my 'contacts' (emails, phone numbers, website addresses... etc.)and about 300 cds worth of adult content amounting to over500,000 images and countless video files.. http://smutmut.com/ps1.jpg

Pornography addiction is a whole body illness.