No matter how well endowed you may think you are

I'm 39 years old. I had been exposed to sex and pornography since I was 8 years old (no joke). So it was embedded deep within my psyche. I had many years of the "nothing's wrong with it" phase. Then I became desensitized and straight sex held no interest at all, so things had to be perverse and freaky. Then I became such a sexual addict that I cheated on every girlfriend I ever had and would sleep with just about any willing female. By this time I knew that I was becoming (or already) deviant, and my conscience (now known as the Holy Spirit) was trying to reason with my brain, but the brain was having no part of it. Then I had the surgery that led to paraplegia, and was no longer able to function sexually at all (no feeling, no response, NOTHING), and you'd have thought that would have been the end, but I found out something; No matter how well endowed you may think you are, there's still one sexual organ that is bigger... THE BRAIN. I couldn't dare ask anyone to rent porn for me (that would have blown my well kept secret. I mail-ordered a few things, but that was too expensive for my new disabled fixed income, so Satan showed me the way to download free porn. I could find ANYTHING!!! I bought an external 250 gig hard drive, and I commenced to downloading. I would leave the computer on overnight, and I would sometimes take a week to download one, hard to get, clip or movie. I would be downloading 12 items at a time. I would go to bed late, and get up early in anticipation of what I would have waiting for me. I had been such a junkie that I had a LOT of stuff on there that I had not even gotten around to looking at yet, but I was still downloading more. All the while, the conscience was eating at me, but I was not stopping. Then I began looking at an evangelist on television. I used to make fun of this guy's commercials, but I found myself watching him one Sunday morning, and he addressed porn addiction in his sermon. Of course I denied an addiction, but as I thought about it, that was exactly what it was. I stopped the downloading, but I would not delete what I already had. I even went through periods where I didn't watch any of it, but I never deleted it. Then one day, I said to myself (or perhaps the Spirit said), I have no sexual function. "I'm getting absolutely NOTHING out of this!" And I called a friend over ( a female) to witness the deletion. I was fine with it for over a month; no regret, no temptation, then Satan whispered in my ear one morning and I fell for it. I went on a binge. I spent the whole day loading and looking. The main difference this time was that the conscience didn't just bother me, it BEAT THE DAYLIGHTS OUTTA ME!!! I have never in my life felt so worthless. Then came Satan's trick # 2. He tried to convince me that I was too ashamed to pray. That God was not gonna forgive me, and that I should just forget about trying to conquer this disease. Luckily, it didn't work. That is my message to everyone. When you backslide, don't be so ashamed that you think God won't forgive you. Pray a sincere prayer for forgiveness and strength to resist temptation, and then (this is the best part) FORGET ABOUT IT! Lamentations 3:22-23 says: "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning". God blesses us from THIS DAY forward. I'm living proof.

So I am now free, and that doesn't mean that I don't think about those videos. I think about them more than I'd like, but I now know Satan's tricks (he doesn't have any new ones). He goes after our weaknesses, but with my "Holy Conscience" I am able to shake it off and ignore him. As far as sexual impurity, at this time, I have no choice (haha), but I intend to be healed, and wen I am, sex will be saved until my wedding day.

I didn't mean to write all of this, and I apologize. tell you what... If you want to, you can copy and paste my testimony on any website you want. You can also add my e-mail address, and I don't think you know my last name, but my first name only.

[Leave a comment if you want Ron's email, I won't post it on a site cuz he will get spam]